im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
