Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We are all done wearing pants today
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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