How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
