My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize