3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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