That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
