I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
