when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
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Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
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We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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