She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
