the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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