is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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