she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
