dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
