drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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