I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
