No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
