i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
