My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
