i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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