im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
