at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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