dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Randomize
