you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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