Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
