We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
