i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
