Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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