In the future we'll all be gay
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
