Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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