is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
