Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
