cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
