As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
