Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
