Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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