I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
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Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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