tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
