you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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