I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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