He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
