She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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