My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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