these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
