do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
