My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
