I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
