Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"

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(440): View more from Ohio

made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I could have mohawked her pubes.

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(631): View more from New York

there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"

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(847): View more from Illinois

I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.

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(406): View more from Montana

Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone

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