I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
