We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
