I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
