She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
