Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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