my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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