There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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