Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
