Do you still have your period?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I think I am morally bankrupt
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?