Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You are a genius and a whore.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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