i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
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She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
I'm just looking out for you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip