I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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