Umm I'm too high to move.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
he puts the penis in happiness.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
