I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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