so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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