but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
