I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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