you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
