The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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