Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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