PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
