Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
