I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
