We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
