my mouth tastes like poor choices
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
