i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
