The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
