Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you had me at cake vodka
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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