her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
