wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
