I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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